the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
