I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
