i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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