my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
