Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
