Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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