I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
