Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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