I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Randomize
