my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
