Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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