i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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