I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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