He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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