why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
