Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
