I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
