You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
