Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
