Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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