I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
