its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
