non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
