Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
