He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize