I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
