Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
