Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
