i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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