he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize