Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
