Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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