I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
