My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
