If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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