There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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