I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
