That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
