Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
