the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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