I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
