You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
