What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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