I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im part way to drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize