i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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