I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
