he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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