If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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