He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
