i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
