so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this just has baby written all over it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize