i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
