I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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