my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
