Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
