I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
