I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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