this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
