her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
