Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
