Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
