i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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