she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
